figuring rest

Oh my gosh. Things have felt so heart felt today. I have had to appologize a lot for being grumpy and for letting people down with my short commings. It has not been enjoyable. I think with the compounding negativity - the news, social media, and all the various parts of myself being stretched thin I need a break. Not a vacation escape to celebrate birth and family, not a nap, a shift a big change. So I will attempt just that. This year has been so dramatic in every way so far. Cosmically so. Last year was hard- very hard - no matter how hard I fought for the positivity - it just has caught up to me. My losses and wrong decisions along with beautiful life wins - all have me a bit overwheled. There are a lot of things about who I am and who I want to be that are on my mind. Mostly I just want to express love but I need to find a way to do it so that it actually hits right. I think this year is going to be pretty hard emotihnally - I think a lot of it will be about inner workings- I think I need to get ready to recieve a lot of the pain that been there just kind of at bay - due to all my responsibilities and the momentum of the onward march - if I sit to rest - I know that means I must deal with things with more focus and slow approach. love - I want to figure out how to do it right and find the joy after the rest.