My Key Holder

“Honestly if I could get you to write something small but passionate about your trust and love for and with Josh that would be amazing!”

A sweet and heartwarming request from a friend who is making a zine project with a kink twist.

The love between Josh and me is ours, and ours alone. It is filled with twists and turns, each one meaningful to us in some growth moment, but from an outside perspective those vital life moments may have been expressed through pain and therefore perceived as one thing when in fact they are another. You want to talk about a kink? How about love itself as kink - loving so openly, through anguish and sustained pleasure, and how one’s soul can be opened by release when working life hard to gain such treasures. One’s art, one’s life, is one’s kink, and so is one’s love.

A lifelong love, like the one Josh and I share since we were 14. I was an early bloomer. I chose him, which was empowering. Now I am 48, and while it may be less common and perhaps a little odd.- I love that we have been together so long. 

Between us there are swells of anticipation, wanting, and pain. That pain forges ultimate trust, and the trust is paired with respect. Those understories and silent markers will go unseen, yet our love has worked us over inside through the bonding process.

We have been paired for 34 years - that is a lot of time to learn how to have sex and to do it right with one another. And we have figured it out. I trust that Josh knows how to give me exactly what I need. Sometimes I do not even have to speak a single word….and it happens exactly the way I need it. Sometimes it feels like we can read each other’s minds, and when it comes to sex, that is very useful.

When we were younger we were fucking all the time. I just loved it, and thankfully so did he. It was more about constant access. We were not yet mature enough to fine tune every detail, but if one of us needed it, the other was there. It was often a high demand need, and so we simply spent a lot of time together.

Today we are more relaxed, but just as needy when the moment strikes. Josh is now an established, well-crafted man who is confident in his abilities, and I have witnessed that transition over time, just as he has seen me blossom and unfold into who I am today.

This is love. This is trust.

I feel my most ultimately free with Josh in the middle of the night when I ride him and I am naked. There is nothing more freeing to me. That is my truth. Sex is a lightning rod, a surge of freedom to be my most raw self, and it fuels me. It is magic.

The love between Josh and me is one of time, unlocking the past while holding an eye on the future, and then the ever-present orgasmic HERE HERE moment is shared with him. We are HERE HERE together, and I get that from no other. Ever. That is sexy as fuck to me. That is kinky. It is some sort of twist of fate to find your keyholder and be so long paired. It has been filled with ecstasy.