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  • Patience

January's Ending

We had a lot of snow last week, it was my first experience with a major shut down at the airport. It was a great learning experience. When the snow first fell it was soft, fluffy,...all embodied all the beautiful things that make winter in the North East enchanting. Now, it is dirty and full of melted ice chunks; a canvas for man's pollution and meddling which displays the grunge of living in close quarters with machines and too many people. The weather forecasts more snow in the next two days, which will briefly cover up the dirt and everything will once again feel fresh and clean. More layers for the progression of time to soil, melt, and we humans can project our feelings and thoughts upon. Over the weekend Josh and I started preliminary shopping for new living room furnishings. We are going to wait a few months to make any final decisions, but we are getting a sense of what we both like. He likes recliners...I do not want a big puffy reclining anything. Hmmm...now we are set to work out how we can both come out of this process feeling like we both got what we wanted. Interesting stuff!!! This will be the very first time in our lives we have purchased new furniture besides Walmart and a discount store that sold flimsy furniture. The sofa set we have now I got for $75 off of craigslist. Which I feel quite proud of scoping out, finding, and going to pick up the same day. It has served us well! I earned props from Josh on my penny pinching mentality, and we had a sofa that was decent, and one I did not have to stress over if the dogs did something to. Win! Now we are working on another stage of fixing up the house, and that is though purchasing furniture. Due to the dogs loving sofa naps, we will also be getting furniture protective coverings. I am excited to see how Josh and I, work out our distinctly different ideas of awesome furniture, and to find out what we end up compromising on, what is our living room style? Noah has decided to move back into the house to save money as he was basically living pay check to pay check while dealing with some drama at the apartment/college suits which was a waste of his energy. I am excited to see him more often...though apprehensive about his messy ways. I do get a bit agitated with his lack of awareness for others who do the cleaning, especially his dirty dishes, its' been growing issue over the last 5 years, the older he gets...the more dishes he seems to use, the more he tends to not be bothered by his dishes sitting around with hardening remnants of what ever food he left on them. Some more fun and exciting challenges to come with his transition back to the house. Dealing with mess. I'm not one to dance around a topic and make it palpable for him to choose to listen to, i tend to be like "clean this up", as I take pictures of his mess, texting them to him while he is at work. Mind yu he is doing the clean up there...while leaving his clean up for me. I feel that stuff... on the horizon. Good times they are a coming. :D More ways I get to experience the ups and downs of parenting a teen. Noah will be 19 in less than 2 weeks. Year 18 was a roller coaster ride of emotions for me, ...and I think for him. He has made a lot of big decisions this year, some which rewarded him with great experiences and others that gave him some important lessons. When we were sitting together yesterday in the car I was feeling down about things beyond that very special moment of being with him. I was distracted with feelings of the world...how people interact, true malice, the power delusions on all sorts of levels; many of the things that can weigh me down...so he checked in, not really knowing what was going on with me, and said "are you alright?", I let him know I was down. On top of the things that were stealing away my focus on on him through - distracted with feeling blue...I was also sorting some heavy betrayal and news of yet another transgression by others to be hurtful and selfish. We recently found out that his Vox guitar amp and PlayStation was stolen by one of his former friends, a trusted conpanion, he was taking it better than I was. "I feel a bit exhausted to be honest" I told him. He reassured me that is it is very common for friends to become enemies as people change, of course, this particular person was going to be playing this role in Noah's life eventually, and that it made sense now looking back. I was taken back by his mental workings on the subject. Though he sensed my sadness, and attributed all of it to the reality of his things being stolen....not knowing the full depth of my general disappoint with the world, his sentiments were poignant and wise. So Noah turning 19...a wiser Noah, than the Noah of a year ago. Life ha so many beautiful layers among the grim dirty residue that comes from...living. We will be in San Francisco in a few weeks! I am excited to visit as many beautiful sites as possible and to get some great pictures with the Pentax.

peace and blessings.

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